And then, BAAM! We are now strangers again. Life is just funny like that.
terima kasih Pada mereka yang buat aku rasa banyak walau cuma Sementara tidak Selama kerana banyak itu aku ingat sampai lama tipu jika aku kata tidak punya rasa Cinta pada Mereka semua
tanya aku, aku jawab priority kita berbeda.
But what should I do if that is the only thing that I feel right now?
I’m physically, mentally and emotionally tired.
Tired of feeling sad.
Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of juggling everything into one.
Tired of making everyone happy while I’m not.
Tired of simply being tired..
I can be the weakest or strongest person you will ever meet,
The happiest or the saddest person you will ever encounter and there is no in between.
But I’m currently in my lowest point.
I have enough of everything.
I’m beat up. I’m exausted. I’m almost at the end of my tether.
“Semua orang penat.”
I know and I’m sorry.
I’m just tired. That’s all.
21 March 2016.
Peace be upon you.
It has been a long time since I updated my blog. I was busy. I wanted to say “busy doing unproductive thing” like I used to but no. There were so many things happened to me, crossed so many things on my bucket list, traveled to so many places and I met new people along the way and it is not even the end of the year yet. Alhamdu’lillah.
I feel so blessed. This semester, I went so many new places, cities and get to meet new people compared to the past 2 semesters. Can you believe that?
I made some new friends from University Malaysia Kelatan and they are awesome. Furthermore, in just 3 months I had the opportunity to go to Terengganu, Pahang, Kuala Lumpur and Selangor! I still haven’t go to Kedah and Penang but let’s save the best for last. (Mau beli baju kurung Kedah dulu pastu selfie selfie tengah sawah padi.) However, the bad news is 2 days and sometimes 3 is never enough for each states. I want more time so I can go sightseeing and it would be wonderful if I went there for the sake of traveling and not for a test or anything. But oh well, wherever you go, go with all your heart and of course, there’s a good news. The good news is I have another 9 more states and 1 federal territory to go before I can cross my bucket list No. 27. Hewhew.
And then, Baamm! Bucket list NO. 28 – Be a member of Silat Cekak with a certificate (I don’t know what is Ahli Tamat in English. LOL)Not yet but almost.
19 November 2015, Night (or is it early morning)
I was thrilled, excited, fired up, tense, anxious, worried, restless and all of them at once. I said I was okay and I’m feeling fine when people asked if I was nervous for the Silat Cekak test. I lied. Well, technically, I was not nervous. Maybe I was high but I can guarantee you that I was not okay. I was not fine at all.
I was crying. For god sake, I’m such a cry baby. Please, someone help slap the hell out of me when I start to cry again. I was crying in the bus, it was dark and I was sitting alone and everyone was fast asleep so maybe that’s why I was feeling a little bit emotional. Damn it, Syerroro, you are such a drama queen.
I cried because I just couldn’t believe that I did it. It was hard. It was so hard and challenging for me. I thought of giving up so many times but I still continued. I didn’t give up when the rest left. I was so proud of myself.
I’m 86 lbs and 5’1 and I suck but why not? I mean, WHY THE FUCKING NOT?
See, I’m getting emotional again. It was not something to be proud of but to me this is huge. I’m not this kind of girl who punches and kicks people and get slap, punches, pushes, reverse kick, all type of kicks without any reasons. I’m weak. Physically and emotionally.
The training before the big test was harsh. 4 days straight every week. Bruises, blood, black and blue mark here and there but all is good. All is well. I survive and if I could do it all over again, I would. (Yekee ni?) Okay, maybe not but I miss training with just the 15 of us. It would be never be the same again and it’s true that you never miss what you had, ’till it’s gone and sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Thank you. Thank you for the tears, laughs and smiles.
20 November 2015, around 10:20 PM
If you suck at it, you might just as well enjoy it.
Before the test;
I was jumpy. I just couldn’t wait for them to call my name. “Let’s just get over it fast!” I want all of it to end quickly. My heart beat went dupdapdupdap like seriously dupdapdupdap. My heart was thumping fast. I was eager and impatient because all of this stress I had for almost 1 month of training was going to be over soon.
“Syerr, do it faster.” “Syerr, punch harder.” “Syerr, you can do it but do it faster.” “Syerr, faster. Faster.” And that was the only thing I could remember and I showed him my “Tolonglah terima saya seadanya/Please accept me the way I am” kind of look. The head judge kept calling my name over and over again and I never despise my name but I felt like changing my name after the test.
Hell, I was happy and shaking. I walk quickly to find my other teammates and I was so glad when I saw their faces, the faces that know. I called their name with my high pitched voice, smile from ear to ear like I just saw them for the first time after a very long separation. Again, drama queen. But that’s just how glad I am. I felt lost and so relieved when I heard people calling my name and then I saw them sitting together waiting the rest of us to finish. They are just.. love. Thank you.
I tried, I did my best and sometimes, that is enough but it’s still not over. I still have my theory test this 2nd of December at 9PM. LOL.
Wish me luck and fare thee well.
Nah, It was not a big transformation like Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox or anything but it kind of a huge thing for me.
Dun dun dun.
Finally, I’m wearing braces! Not that shocking, eh? Well, okay then. But hey! I had been wanting to wear braces since I was in secondary school.
And currently studying in local university, 20 years old with pimples here and there, big, round spectacles and BRACES! Yeay!
The curse of 20 something.
I started wearing them on 19th of May and I chose pink and blue for my braces. Yeay! I just couldn’t stop admiring the color combination. Lol.
I only wear braces on my upper teeth and I’m going to wear them on my lower teeth on 22nd of June.
At first, I was very scared because they will remove at least 4 of my teeth and then, I started imaginging my face wearing braces with this crooked teeth of mine, oh my oh my, from ugly to hideous real quick, aren’t we?
I’m not really worried about the pain, I just don’t want to be toothless. Haha.
Good news was that the doctor said she will going to remove only 2 of my upper teeth and no removal for my lower teeth. Thank goodness!
But I guess wearing braces was not that bad after all. Well, yes, the wire does look like a roller coster trails since it was going up and down and then up again but I can live with that because that was the reason why I want to wear braces: to correct my crooked teeth and then slowly, they will move and ta-da, beautiful and perfect teeth. I cant wait for that to happen. Maybe 1 year from now? 2 years? In shaa Allah.
I guess people with braces or want to get braces will understand me. I’m very insecure with my teeth. I never smile with my teeth showing because I’m very embarassed with my severe crowding and overbite teeth. The doctor said that the size of my teeth are just too big for my small mouth and gums and that was why they were not aligned or in positions they were supposed to be.
Some people even jokes about my teeth by calling me mean names and all and I do remember coming home crying. Haha.
Thanks for reading and fare thee well 😊
I’m officially an iPhone owner! I know some of you may think it was not a big deal or there’s nothing to be proud of, bla bla and guess what? I couldn’t care less. I have always wanted to own an iPhone since forever. It’s on my bucket list. Haha.
I know what I want, 64gb silver iPhone 6. Unfortunately, they were out of stock so instead getting an iPhone 6, I bought 64gb space gray iPhone 6 plus. Why space gray?
Here’s the story. The salesman said that they had iPhone 6 plus in silver and gold so I told him I want the silver one. After he swipe my mother’s credit card, he told me he made a mistake regarding the colors. They actually didn’t have silver, only space gray and gold.
And of course, I was furious. I was so happy to have my own iPhone and then my mood just change 180 degrees. I even felt like I want to burn that store and the salesman. You have one job, mister! 😤
He kept saying I should buy the gold one because the front is white just like the silver iPhone. I don’t really care whether it is black or white on the front, i just want a silver iPhone and pfft, there’s no way I’m going to buy gold. It’s just plain ugly.
Long story short, I settled with a space gray iPhone. Yes, it is a beauty. I actually love the design, really simple and not crowded. It felt really nice when watching videos.
The 4g load the data faster and the baterry life, oh my god, really last longer. Don’t make me start with the camera. Lol. And again, guess what? I’m currently typing using my new toy, lol, this huge screen just make it so easy to update my blog and for student to read notes and do anything school related. This iPhone is, no doubt 100% better than my old Samsung.
Furthermore, I’m glad I bought 64gb. The fact that I can updates whatever applications and softwares without to worry or the need to delete any songs or the whole album just to make spaces on my phone. Haha.
I’m new with all this iOS thingy since I have been using Android since forever so if you have any tips or favorite apps you want to recommend me, feel free to drop your comments below.
Thank you and fare thee well. ☺️
On 15th January 2015, I went volunteering again but this time not in Kelantan. It was in Pahang. When I saw on our university official Facebook page that volunteers from University Science Malaysia (USM) were needed to help the flood victims in Pahang. I didn’t even think through about it and quickly wrote my name and contact number.
I have never been to Peninsular Malaysia before and Kelantan was actually my first time. So, I was thrilled to go to Pahang for the first time. I just love the fact that I’m volunteering and travel to new places at the same time.
It took approximately 8 hours by bus from USM to University Malaysia Pahang, (UMP) and to go from Kelantan to Pahang we have to pass through Terengganu. I rarely sleep in car and I think I slept for like an hour and just spend my time looking out the window. Besut, Permaisuri, Al Muktafi Bilal Shah were some of the places in Terengganu that I remember we passed through to go to Pahang. We also stopped at Dungun, Terengganu for our morning prayers and for our bus drivers to rest for a while.
We stayed in UMP for 2 days and 1 night helping with whatever we can such as preparing food for the other volunteers from another universities such as UPSI and the victims, of course.
The people there were really kind especially Mr. Khairul, our chef. He was such a good cook. I still can’t forget the appetizing aroma of his Ayam Gulai Cili Api and Nasi Goreng Belacan. Unfortunately, it was super spicy for me and I just ate a little bit. I guess people in Pahang love spicy food.
Thank god, I’m studying in Kelantan instead of Pahang or Negeri Sembilan. They were famous for their spicy food. I think the Kelantanese prefer sweet food. They just love adding sugars to everything even to Roti Canai and I was like WHAAAAT? Too much sugar is bad for you, people! 😀
We went back to Kelantan on 18th and my last paper for Semester 1 was on 20th.
So yeah, my examination for 1st Semester was finally over and currently the flood situation in West Malaysia improves. Alhamdulillah. However, in Sabah (Sipitang, Beaufort and Membakut) and Sarawak the situation worsen. My flight ticket to Sabah was on 22th but my family couldn’t get me at the airport because some of the road were closed due to flood and I was like,
I’m not trying to stop a hurricane,
I’m not trying to shake the ground below,
I’m just trying to find a way to make it back home.
Well, everything happens for a reason and que sera, sera. There was nothing I can do about it.
Enough with the flood and now I’m free! Free as the air. Guess where I am right now? HOME! Yes, I’m finally home. I just couldn’t believed that I’m actually in Sabah right now. I know 5 months is not that long but
damn, I miss home.
There were so many things happened to me for the past few weeks. The flood, examination got postponed, bought flight tickets 3 times and everything happened, all in once when all I do is trying to get home.
I hope everyone have a good start on 2015 unlike me and wish me luck for my examination result that will be out this February. I hope I will not need to repeat any papers. Finger crossed!
I made a bucket list once and actually post it here. However, I deleted it afterward because I don’t even think I can full fill any of them or in near future. Alhamdulillah, I managed to cross one of them just before the end of 2014 and it was volunteering.
I have always wanted to volunteer especially to animal shelter but I haven’t get the chance yet maybe because I was still a high schooler back then. Now, I’m a university student and I will not waste my chances 😀
The first time I went volunteering was to old folks home called Sri Kenangan at Pengkalan Chepa, Kelantan and it was such a beautiful memories. I met Pakcik Ali and he was so friendly and have a really good humor. He reminds me of my own grandfather. It’s kind of sad to know he is currently living in old folks home instead of living with his children and grandchildren because he would make an awesome grandfather! It was 2 months ago and I hope Pakcik Ali and everyone is in the pink of health. I miss you guys already! Not to forget, Makcik (I forgot her name), thank you for teaching me how to cut vegetables. It’s been awhile since I enter the kitchen. Haha. Everyone was playing games and doing fun activities but you insisted to stay in the kitchen because it was your shift, you said. It was fun talking (although I don’t even understand half the things you said) and spending time with you in the kitchen even though I’m not much of a help to you. I tried my best. Haha.
On 25th December, I went to SK Lundang at Kg. Lundang, Kelantan with another 23 University Science Malaysia’s students to help 78 families (339++ people) affected by flood and currently staying there temporally. Our jobs were to clean the school and cook lunch and dinner for them. It was a tough job to prepare and cook for 300+ people. We started cooking around 7.30 am until 12.30 pm if I’m not mistaken. It was heartbreaking to see them waiting for us to finish cooking the food since all of them didn’t eat since the night before. We only cook eggs, sardine and rices for lunch and it was not delicious! I didn’t finished eating even though I was freaking hungry since I woke too early and didn’t have any food for breakfast. Hah.
The food we cook was just bleghh and I’m really sorry from the bottom of my heart to the flood victims in SK Lundang 😦
Their dinner were cook by other people and heard that he owns a restaurant. Thank god! We only help with the preparation of food.
It was a great experience for me to actually see the situation myself when other people only heard about the flood in Kelantan from TV. I’m glad I joined and can help them.
I even made friends with the 4th year seniors. They were really nice and one of them are from Sabah and he was hilarious! Haha. I should join this kind of activities more. It makes me feel less like socially awkward turtle.
The floods situation in Kelantan was really critical, the number of flood victims rises and even our prime minister describe the situation in Kelantan as a disaster.
Our examination was postponed for a week because a lot of our students were trapped outside and inside Kelantan due to the flood and landslide. Some of the roads closed for 2 months. It is a disaster! Our university become food storage and others stuff essential for flood victims. A lot of works in need for volunteers such as unloading goods from trucks, packaging food and clothes and distributing all the things to the victims. Everyday, there would be helicopter come and go bringing victims to our university since our university’s hospital, Hospital University Science Malaysia was the only hospital which is not affected by flood in Kelantan.
Alhamdulillah, I tried to help with everything that I can do such as helping with the packaging of food (1 plastic, 1 family) and clothes (1 box, 1 family) and I even become one of the admin for the Operasi Banjir Kelantan – USMKK. Everything was a new experiences for me and I learn a lot from this tragedy but gahh, I just can’t help but feeling down 😦
I miss home. I miss Sabah. I already bought a flight ticket on 10th January and was really excited just thinking about spending my time with my family but unfortunately, I’m still not finish with the exam on 10th since it was postponed. So, I have another flight ticket on 17th January and I hope my exam end before that date. I just can’t wait to go home. I just can’t waste anymore money. The tickets was just damn expensive 😦
Fare thee well and wish me luck, silent readers. Pray for Malaysia. 2014 was such a bad year for us, Malaysian. MH370, MH17 and major flooding in East Coast Malaysia.
UPDATE #1: Yeap, need to buy another flight ticket. The 3rd ticket. *sigh
UPDATE #2: The hell?! The exam scheduled change again. There’s no need to buy another ticket. Haha. Alhamdulillah. Hope the scheduled doesn’t change again.
Declaimer: All photos does not belong to me unless stated. Credits to all owners.
I was known to be that one friend who always sit and just watch other people playing hand ball, foot ball and whatever during PE class since high school. I hate sweating, exercising and just simply moving! I mean, why do you need to move around when you can just sit and lay down?
During high school, I have a group of friends that I always hang out with and all of them join and practice Taekwando and they were really obsessed with it until now. I just can’t understand. Every time after their training or tournaments, they would showed me they bruises and injuries and that’s actually one of the reasons why I hate sports (and can’t ride a bicycle until now.)
YOU WILL GET INJURED!
Some even have a scar or permanent injury because of the tournaments. You guys need to love yourselves more! Haha.
I’m not scare of blood or whatever, I just don’t like hurting myself. Falling down and get kick for no reason is just a no-no to me. I even hate spicy food because IT HURTS. It hurts your tongue and my face will get red (my face get red easily actually).
Besides, I don’t have any talent in sports. I can not run really fast and I don’t have enough stamina or energy. Awkward turtle.
Well, I do feel jealous when my friends won medals or get certificates especially for sports tournaments because I know I would never get one but the future is uncertain and that’s the beauty of it.
And guess what?
Never in my wildest dream did I think I would join martial art club and actually won gold medal! I mean, what?!!
Look at that face, acting cute and stuff. My first gold medal. I’m so proud of myself. Haha. Good job, dear self! *Pat myself on the back*
I don’t have any special or fancy reasons when I decided to join *Silat Cekak like other people. “I want to learn to defend myself when in danger”, “I’ve always wanted to learn martial art.” or “I love to try new things.” bla bla bla because I just want the 6 units for Curriculum so I can graduate.
Again, the future is uncertain. I enjoyed it. The members were so nice and they really practice the Malay’s tradition.
Good manners and keeping with the adat. Even the moves were taken from Salat (Muslim prayers).
The classes were fun even though some of the move or we call it ‘buah‘ were kind of hard to do and hurt you. It felt really great when you do it right and felt like you have accomplished something huge. Haha. The first level, **Peringkat Asas was okay, I guess and I think I did great during the test. I’m currently in **Peringkat Jatuh and it’s really killing me BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.
You don’t really going to understand or know something until you experiences it yourself and I think I know why my friends were so obsessed with Taekwando. Even though Taekwando and Silat Cekak is really different, I get the feeling. Haha 😀
*Malay’s martial art.
** Both are the 1st of the 3 stages in Silat Cekak.
Release Date: 2014.10.08
01. 영원한 건 없지만 ( Nothing Lasts Forever)
02. 가을에 (When Autumn Comes)
04. 날 사랑한다면
05. 잘 있나요 그대 (feat. 정지찬)
06. 롱디 (Hold On)
07. Curtain (feat. 정성하)
08. 멀어졌죠 (Far Away)
09. Thank You (Bonus Track)
Roy Kim was one of the contestants of Mnet’s talent competition series Superstar K4. He actually failed the audition because 2 out of 3 judges say no to him but then 1 of the judges use his ‘Superpass’ (automatically qualified). He actually won the competition and crowned as champion on Superstar K4.
He deserved it. He is so talented and his voice is so pleasant to hear to. His voice is warm and soothing like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel, like seriously. His voice especially in Far Away and Long Distance (Hold On) was just heavenly.
A handsome guy with a voice like that is just so unfair. Not to mention, he is the son of a CEO and went to Georgetown University. Mother of god.
My favorite song of his would be Now I Know because I can just relate with the lyrics. I think everyone can relate.
Why do people never know when they have it? How precious it is? –Now I Know.
You never know the value of what you have till you lose it. Don’t wait until you lose it so appreciate all the things you have in life.
When Autumn Comes is just the type of song you want to hear when you just want to laze around the house. The song was such an ear candy.
The song’s motive comes from the letter he got from his sister and expresses his hope for happy world and idealistic life.
Furthermore, he also wrote the lead single in the album, HOME. The lyrics is really beautiful.
This song was written in the perspective of my 14-year-old friend Sancho (his companion dog). I’ve been happy thanks to him who has waited for me at the door of my house whatever happens to me. –Roy Kim.
So yeah, I would like to recommend this album to anyone who loves listening to music before going to bed. Cheers 😀