And then, BAAM! We are now strangers again. Life is just funny like that.
terima kasih Pada mereka yang buat aku rasa banyak walau cuma Sementara tidak Selama kerana banyak itu aku ingat sampai lama tipu jika aku kata tidak punya rasa Cinta pada Mereka semua
tanya aku, aku jawab priority kita berbeda.
But what should I do if that is the only thing that I feel right now?
I’m physically, mentally and emotionally tired.
Tired of feeling sad.
Tired of trying so hard.
Tired of juggling everything into one.
Tired of making everyone happy while I’m not.
Tired of simply being tired..
I can be the weakest or strongest person you will ever meet,
The happiest or the saddest person you will ever encounter and there is no in between.
But I’m currently in my lowest point.
I have enough of everything.
I’m beat up. I’m exausted. I’m almost at the end of my tether.
“Semua orang penat.”
I know and I’m sorry.
I’m just tired. That’s all.
21 March 2016.
Peace be upon you.
It has been a long time since I updated my blog. I was busy. I wanted to say “busy doing unproductive thing” like I used to but no. There were so many things happened to me, crossed so many things on my bucket list, traveled to so many places and I met new people along the way and it is not even the end of the year yet. Alhamdu’lillah.
I feel so blessed. This semester, I went so many new places, cities and get to meet new people compared to the past 2 semesters. Can you believe that?
I made some new friends from University Malaysia Kelatan and they are awesome. Furthermore, in just 3 months I had the opportunity to go to Terengganu, Pahang, Kuala Lumpur and Selangor! I still haven’t go to Kedah and Penang but let’s save the best for last. (Mau beli baju kurung Kedah dulu pastu selfie selfie tengah sawah padi.) However, the bad news is 2 days and sometimes 3 is never enough for each states. I want more time so I can go sightseeing and it would be wonderful if I went there for the sake of traveling and not for a test or anything. But oh well, wherever you go, go with all your heart and of course, there’s a good news. The good news is I have another 9 more states and 1 federal territory to go before I can cross my bucket list No. 27. Hewhew.
And then, Baamm! Bucket list NO. 28 – Be a member of Silat Cekak with a certificate (I don’t know what is Ahli Tamat in English. LOL)Not yet but almost.
19 November 2015, Night (or is it early morning)
I was thrilled, excited, fired up, tense, anxious, worried, restless and all of them at once. I said I was okay and I’m feeling fine when people asked if I was nervous for the Silat Cekak test. I lied. Well, technically, I was not nervous. Maybe I was high but I can guarantee you that I was not okay. I was not fine at all.
I was crying. For god sake, I’m such a cry baby. Please, someone help slap the hell out of me when I start to cry again. I was crying in the bus, it was dark and I was sitting alone and everyone was fast asleep so maybe that’s why I was feeling a little bit emotional. Damn it, Syerroro, you are such a drama queen.
I cried because I just couldn’t believe that I did it. It was hard. It was so hard and challenging for me. I thought of giving up so many times but I still continued. I didn’t give up when the rest left. I was so proud of myself.
I’m 86 lbs and 5’1 and I suck but why not? I mean, WHY THE FUCKING NOT?
See, I’m getting emotional again. It was not something to be proud of but to me this is huge. I’m not this kind of girl who punches and kicks people and get slap, punches, pushes, reverse kick, all type of kicks without any reasons. I’m weak. Physically and emotionally.
The training before the big test was harsh. 4 days straight every week. Bruises, blood, black and blue mark here and there but all is good. All is well. I survive and if I could do it all over again, I would. (Yekee ni?) Okay, maybe not but I miss training with just the 15 of us. It would be never be the same again and it’s true that you never miss what you had, ’till it’s gone and sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Thank you. Thank you for the tears, laughs and smiles.
20 November 2015, around 10:20 PM
If you suck at it, you might just as well enjoy it.
Before the test;
I was jumpy. I just couldn’t wait for them to call my name. “Let’s just get over it fast!” I want all of it to end quickly. My heart beat went dupdapdupdap like seriously dupdapdupdap. My heart was thumping fast. I was eager and impatient because all of this stress I had for almost 1 month of training was going to be over soon.
“Syerr, do it faster.” “Syerr, punch harder.” “Syerr, you can do it but do it faster.” “Syerr, faster. Faster.” And that was the only thing I could remember and I showed him my “Tolonglah terima saya seadanya/Please accept me the way I am” kind of look. The head judge kept calling my name over and over again and I never despise my name but I felt like changing my name after the test.
Hell, I was happy and shaking. I walk quickly to find my other teammates and I was so glad when I saw their faces, the faces that know. I called their name with my high pitched voice, smile from ear to ear like I just saw them for the first time after a very long separation. Again, drama queen. But that’s just how glad I am. I felt lost and so relieved when I heard people calling my name and then I saw them sitting together waiting the rest of us to finish. They are just.. love. Thank you.
I tried, I did my best and sometimes, that is enough but it’s still not over. I still have my theory test this 2nd of December at 9PM. LOL.
Wish me luck and fare thee well.
Nah, It was not a big transformation like Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox or anything but it kind of a huge thing for me.
Dun dun dun.
Finally, I’m wearing braces! Not that shocking, eh? Well, okay then. But hey! I had been wanting to wear braces since I was in secondary school.
And currently studying in local university, 20 years old with pimples here and there, big, round spectacles and BRACES! Yeay!
The curse of 20 something.
I started wearing them on 19th of May and I chose pink and blue for my braces. Yeay! I just couldn’t stop admiring the color combination. Lol.
I only wear braces on my upper teeth and I’m going to wear them on my lower teeth on 22nd of June.
At first, I was very scared because they will remove at least 4 of my teeth and then, I started imaginging my face wearing braces with this crooked teeth of mine, oh my oh my, from ugly to hideous real quick, aren’t we?
I’m not really worried about the pain, I just don’t want to be toothless. Haha.
Good news was that the doctor said she will going to remove only 2 of my upper teeth and no removal for my lower teeth. Thank goodness!
But I guess wearing braces was not that bad after all. Well, yes, the wire does look like a roller coster trails since it was going up and down and then up again but I can live with that because that was the reason why I want to wear braces: to correct my crooked teeth and then slowly, they will move and ta-da, beautiful and perfect teeth. I cant wait for that to happen. Maybe 1 year from now? 2 years? In shaa Allah.
I guess people with braces or want to get braces will understand me. I’m very insecure with my teeth. I never smile with my teeth showing because I’m very embarassed with my severe crowding and overbite teeth. The doctor said that the size of my teeth are just too big for my small mouth and gums and that was why they were not aligned or in positions they were supposed to be.
Some people even jokes about my teeth by calling me mean names and all and I do remember coming home crying. Haha.
Thanks for reading and fare thee well 😊
I’m officially an iPhone owner! I know some of you may think it was not a big deal or there’s nothing to be proud of, bla bla and guess what? I couldn’t care less. I have always wanted to own an iPhone since forever. It’s on my bucket list. Haha.
I know what I want, 64gb silver iPhone 6. Unfortunately, they were out of stock so instead getting an iPhone 6, I bought 64gb space gray iPhone 6 plus. Why space gray?
Here’s the story. The salesman said that they had iPhone 6 plus in silver and gold so I told him I want the silver one. After he swipe my mother’s credit card, he told me he made a mistake regarding the colors. They actually didn’t have silver, only space gray and gold.
And of course, I was furious. I was so happy to have my own iPhone and then my mood just change 180 degrees. I even felt like I want to burn that store and the salesman. You have one job, mister! 😤
He kept saying I should buy the gold one because the front is white just like the silver iPhone. I don’t really care whether it is black or white on the front, i just want a silver iPhone and pfft, there’s no way I’m going to buy gold. It’s just plain ugly.
Long story short, I settled with a space gray iPhone. Yes, it is a beauty. I actually love the design, really simple and not crowded. It felt really nice when watching videos.
The 4g load the data faster and the baterry life, oh my god, really last longer. Don’t make me start with the camera. Lol. And again, guess what? I’m currently typing using my new toy, lol, this huge screen just make it so easy to update my blog and for student to read notes and do anything school related. This iPhone is, no doubt 100% better than my old Samsung.
Furthermore, I’m glad I bought 64gb. The fact that I can updates whatever applications and softwares without to worry or the need to delete any songs or the whole album just to make spaces on my phone. Haha.
I’m new with all this iOS thingy since I have been using Android since forever so if you have any tips or favorite apps you want to recommend me, feel free to drop your comments below.
Thank you and fare thee well. ☺️
On 15th January 2015, I went volunteering again but this time not in Kelantan. It was in Pahang. When I saw on our university official Facebook page that volunteers from University Science Malaysia (USM) were needed to help the flood victims in Pahang. I didn’t even think through about it and quickly wrote my name and contact number.
I have never been to Peninsular Malaysia before and Kelantan was actually my first time. So, I was thrilled to go to Pahang for the first time. I just love the fact that I’m volunteering and travel to new places at the same time.
It took approximately 8 hours by bus from USM to University Malaysia Pahang, (UMP) and to go from Kelantan to Pahang we have to pass through Terengganu. I rarely sleep in car and I think I slept for like an hour and just spend my time looking out the window. Besut, Permaisuri, Al Muktafi Bilal Shah were some of the places in Terengganu that I remember we passed through to go to Pahang. We also stopped at Dungun, Terengganu for our morning prayers and for our bus drivers to rest for a while.
We stayed in UMP for 2 days and 1 night helping with whatever we can such as preparing food for the other volunteers from another universities such as UPSI and the victims, of course.
The people there were really kind especially Mr. Khairul, our chef. He was such a good cook. I still can’t forget the appetizing aroma of his Ayam Gulai Cili Api and Nasi Goreng Belacan. Unfortunately, it was super spicy for me and I just ate a little bit. I guess people in Pahang love spicy food.
Thank god, I’m studying in Kelantan instead of Pahang or Negeri Sembilan. They were famous for their spicy food. I think the Kelantanese prefer sweet food. They just love adding sugars to everything even to Roti Canai and I was like WHAAAAT? Too much sugar is bad for you, people! 😀
We went back to Kelantan on 18th and my last paper for Semester 1 was on 20th.
So yeah, my examination for 1st Semester was finally over and currently the flood situation in West Malaysia improves. Alhamdulillah. However, in Sabah (Sipitang, Beaufort and Membakut) and Sarawak the situation worsen. My flight ticket to Sabah was on 22th but my family couldn’t get me at the airport because some of the road were closed due to flood and I was like,
I’m not trying to stop a hurricane,
I’m not trying to shake the ground below,
I’m just trying to find a way to make it back home.
Well, everything happens for a reason and que sera, sera. There was nothing I can do about it.
Enough with the flood and now I’m free! Free as the air. Guess where I am right now? HOME! Yes, I’m finally home. I just couldn’t believed that I’m actually in Sabah right now. I know 5 months is not that long but
damn, I miss home.
There were so many things happened to me for the past few weeks. The flood, examination got postponed, bought flight tickets 3 times and everything happened, all in once when all I do is trying to get home.
I hope everyone have a good start on 2015 unlike me and wish me luck for my examination result that will be out this February. I hope I will not need to repeat any papers. Finger crossed!