Take only memories, leave only footprints

Peace be upon you.

It has been a long time since I updated my blog. I was busy. I wanted to say “busy doing unproductive thing” like I used to but no. There were so many things happened to me, crossed so many things on my bucket list, traveled to so many places and I met new people along the way and it is not even the end of the year yet. Alhamdu’lillah.

I feel so blessed. This semester, I went so many new places, cities and get to meet new people compared to the past 2 semesters. Can you believe that?

I made some new friends from University Malaysia Kelatan and they are awesome. Furthermore, in just 3 months I had the opportunity to go to Terengganu, Pahang, Kuala Lumpur and Selangor! I still haven’t go to Kedah and Penang but let’s save the best for last. (Mau beli baju kurung Kedah dulu pastu selfie selfie tengah sawah padi.) However, the bad news is 2 days and sometimes 3 is never enough for each states. I want more time so I can go sightseeing and it would be wonderful if I went there for the sake of traveling and not for a test or anything. But oh well, wherever you go, go with all your heart and of course, there’s a good news. The good news is I have another 9 more states and 1 federal territory to go before I can cross my bucket list No. 27. Hewhew.

And then, Baamm! Bucket list NO. 28 – Be a member of Silat Cekak with a certificate (I don’t know what is Ahli Tamat in English. LOL)

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Front row: Saiful, Kak Syafiqah, Kak Qilah, Kak Simah, Kak Mida. 2nd row from left: Harith, Bidi, Shah, Abu, Yaya, Me, Kak Aisha, Azreena, Fiina, Kak Lin.

Not yet but almost.

19 November 2015, Night (or is it early morning)

I was thrilled, excited, fired up, tense, anxious, worried, restless and all of them at once. I said I was okay and I’m feeling fine when people asked if I was nervous for the Silat Cekak test. I lied. Well, technically, I was not nervous. Maybe I was high but I can guarantee you that I was not okay. I was not fine at all.

I was crying. For god sake, I’m such a cry baby. Please, someone help slap the hell out of me when I start to cry again. I was crying in the bus, it was dark and I was sitting alone and everyone was fast asleep so maybe that’s why I was feeling a little bit emotional. Damn it, Syerroro, you are such a drama queen.

I cried because I just couldn’t believe that I did it. It was hard. It was so hard and challenging for me. I thought of giving up so many times but I still continued. I didn’t give up when the rest left. I was so proud of myself. 

I’m 86 lbs and 5’1 and I suck but why not? I mean, WHY THE FUCKING NOT?

See, I’m getting emotional again. It was not something to be proud of but to me this is huge. I’m not this kind of girl who punches and kicks people and get slap, punches, pushes, reverse kick, all type of kicks without any reasons. I’m weak. Physically and emotionally. 

The training before the big test was harsh. 4 days straight every week. Bruises, blood, black and blue mark here and there but all is good. All is well. I survive and if I could do it all over again, I would. (Yekee ni?) Okay, maybe not but I miss training with just the 15 of us. It would be never be the same again and it’s true that you never miss what you had, ’till it’s gone and sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Thank you. Thank you for the tears, laughs and smiles.

20 November 2015, around 10:20 PM

If you suck at it, you might just as well enjoy it.

Before the test;

I was jumpy. I just couldn’t wait for them to call my name. “Let’s just get over it fast!” I want all of it to end quickly. My heart beat went dupdapdupdap like seriously dupdapdupdap. My heart was thumping fast. I was eager and impatient because all of this stress I had for almost 1 month of training was going to be over soon.

During;

“Syerr, do it faster.” “Syerr, punch harder.” “Syerr, you can do it but do it faster.” “Syerr, faster. Faster.” And that was the only thing I could remember and I showed him my “Tolonglah terima saya seadanya/Please accept me the way I am” kind of look. The head judge kept calling my name over and over again and I never despise my name but I felt like changing my name after the test.

After;

Hell, I was happy and shaking. I walk quickly to find my other teammates and I was so glad when I saw their faces, the faces that know. I called their name with my high pitched voice, smile from ear to ear like I just saw them for the first time after a very long separation. Again, drama queen. But that’s just how glad I am. I felt lost and so relieved when I heard people calling my name and then I saw them sitting together waiting the rest of us to finish. They are just.. love. Thank you.

I tried, I did my best and sometimes, that is enough but it’s still not over. I still have my theory test this 2nd of December at 9PM. LOL.

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Ahli Silat Cekak Cawangan Kelantan at Persatuan Seni Silat Cekak Malaysia, Kelas Latihan Shah Alam

Wish me luck and fare thee well.

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